Wednesday, January 2, 2008

A turn, and now, a re-turn

'Every life ought to have a turn and a re-turn.'
-E.M Forster, 'A Passage to India'

Today, I return. Go back to the home I left behind for these five magical, whirlwind months, re-immerse myself in its forested lanes. Today, I turn back to the vales of Haridvanam, and my old haunts in the Valley School. Finally, all that nostalgia finds relief!

At the same time, I wonder. I know things are going to be different. For the first time, I go back as an 'ex student' (gah, ghastly idea!). What does that entail? It means I can sit in on classes and act all 'ah! I sooo know this!' (with a chic wave of the hand and flick of the hair). On the other hand, it means I'll be an outsider in the busy busy schoolday. I'm walking in on these people's normal routines. I'm not PART of their everyday, as I once was.

And there are some people living in the very room I once lived in, who have no idea of who I am. And they're not likely to care. I never did about the seniors who'd left way before I inhabited their old rooms.

It's very strange to find yourself in that position. I remember how we used to look at old students and go 'why have they come back? why do they have to barge in and act all senti and strange? doesn't college life engage them enough?' It's only when you leave that you realise how harsh and judgmental you'd been about 'them'. But, wait a second, isn't that the case with all realizations?

Well, all I can say is, I wonder. I wonder what awaits me in those forested haunts. I wonder how different the people I left behind have become. I wonder how different they'll find me.

It's all so strange.

But, as Forster said, there should always be a re-turn. And that's what I'm embarking on now.